I'm not going to go into some senseless rant to why I haven't written on here recently. Naturally you can assume that I work far too often (but thank God I like my job) and have just had far too much on my mind.

I'm going to be straight forward with whomever may still read this blog.

Things can suck. Things can basically make you feel like the world is going to end and that it's something you're never going to recover from. Now what may you ask got me in such a depressing, nostalgic mood? The movie 'STEPMOM' with Julia Roberts. I've forgotten how much that movie can make you cry. More in particular when you're going through pretty well the same situation (minus an oncoming step-mom of course). So that leads me to the thought that is the second most prominent on my mind.

My Mom.

She's been better. She's getting tired and her soreness has certainly increased. After watching Stepmom I began to realize its now just a matter of time until this battle is over. It could be within a year; it could be several years from now. It's certainly not in my hands that's for sure.

Am I scared? Shitless. Am I worried? Absolutely. But not for my Mom or myself... for Dad. I can get overly emotional and say do you have any idea what it feels like to know your Mother may not make it to your wedding? To see her first grandchild? To grow old along side the man who is her world? Of course you don't... not many people do.

I'm terrified of what each day may bring for our family. I know we'll survive... and I know how Mom feels. It's this constant waiting game that kills me. Every once and a while I get caught by something, be it movie or song or memory and I cannot help but cry. Natural I know... I mean for heaven's sake look what's been going on!

But I just want to say this. Even though things seem shitty, hopeless and miserable. There is still light... there's still life, and its refreshing in some way to know it's out of your hands. I reminded someone that tonight... to just let life take it where it will. Don't fight it, don't stress over it... but embrace what the world throws at you and learn to cope and live. It'll make you a better person. Experience the things you want to at whatever cost. Life's too short as stereotypical as that sounds. Hell, you could die from a brain hemmorage right now.... this very second drop dead. Would you feel satisfied with your life? Would you be pleased with your accomplishments? Could you genuinely say that you lived life to its very best of your ability? Right now? I can earnestly say I haven't. But that all will change in the next year. My ambitions finally won me over and I'm going to do the things I want to... because why mull in regular life and down the road wonder what 'such and such' an experience was like. Live it... do it, love it and everything. Because you just never know...

Love Always,
Jamie xoxo