Early one evening a man was walking along a beach when he saw a boy picking up starfish and flinging them into the sea. The man asked the boy why he was doing this. The boy explained the starfish would die if left to the morning. The man asked the boy, "What difference will your efforts make when there are thousands of starfish on the beach?" The boy stopped and looked at the starfish he was holding and said, "It will make a difference to this one."


This story reminds me of the quote from Edward Everett Hale:
"I am only one,
but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something;
and because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do something I can do."


There are a countless number of opportunities where we can make a difference every day.

Before I start my rant of the day, I'm going to explain to you the image you see above.
It is a picture of the St. Boniface Basilica, the oldest cathedral in western Canada. The cathedral was struck by fire in 1968, however the stone exterior of the original building remains as a façade for the modern church. It is on these grounds that many missionaries and political historical figures (such as Louis Riel) are buried.

I came across this picture earlier this afternoon. And for once I had a sense of belonging. For the first time in a month I felt comfort. It's because I realized that I just needed to go home. I love it here in Saskatoon, don't get me wrong. But once a Winnipegger, always a Winnipegger.

Here are my favourite 'You know you're from Winnipeg when:"'s:

1) You call jelly filled donuts Jambusters
2) You know how to properly pronounce Lagimodiere, Disraeli, and Pembina.
3) All directions start with "You take Portage..."
4) You know what a 'Social' is

Anywho that leads me to the point of this entry. I want to remind you all a statement I made about.... 3 or 4 months ago. I want to move out. Not only do I want to move out, but I want to move out to Winnipeg.
See, the thing is... that whole trail of motion, of growing up has just started rolling. I could handle living on my own now. As cynical as this may sound, my Mom getting sick has forced me to accept new responsibilities around the house. Hell, I'm a regular housewife the way I've been running around. My license is on it's way come spring-time. (Yes. For real Jamie will be on the road finally) and after that? Well as much as I still want to be a flight attendant, I really want to take a SIAST course first. It's 'Environmental Law'. A look into the Canadian Legislature as far as logging, economy etc, and the laws it must abide by. Either I take the course or head down to McNally Robinson and buy some books instead. For the time being (to take my mind off of other sorrows in life) I will be whole heartedly put my attention on the Weyerhaeuser issue in Minaki. From there, I'll head to the lake. Work, save up my money. From there? Come back and work full force until I'm ready to approach WestJet. As much as I claim I'm ready for that career... I know I'm not. I don't look the part yet. I still look young and naive, immature and skiddish. I need to grow up just a little bit more. So in the meantime... it's lawsuits all the way!

As far as Mom and other situations go. She's doing well. For the last few days actually it was really rough. And I mean REALLY rough. I was scared to wake up every morning type rough. But for some reason she's all of a sudden doing really well. Thank God. The other situation? Well... I'd like to say I don't care anymore. But the fact is I do care. Obviously too much. But as of right now? She won, and communication between us has gone to the shitter. Oh well. Live and learn right?

Anyone want to move to Winnipeg with me? lol.

I've decided recently that I need to go somewhere. Not just anywhere, but somewhere without a real destination or reason why. I've been secluded for the last 4 days. Just sitting in my room. No music, no light. Maybe try and have a nap because God knows I haven't been sleeping for the last two weeks. The bags under my eyes could put a vampires to shame. You know those moments of anxiety just as you fall asleep? That your mind doesn't shut down? Something's always interrupting you and you have to walk your way through it just to calm it down? Well what if you can't come to a conclusion in your head? What if there are so many emotions involved that you go into overload.
That's me. I'm running on empty, my heads going to overload. And I still figure it all out.
I just hurt, physically and emotionally all the time. Yesterday it took me almost 2 hours to want to get out of bed, and the only reason I got up was because the phone rang. I've lost my motivation completely.

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now.

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, It's all your fault

As much as things are going for the worst...
I've come to the conclusion that is all just another test.
And although it feels like my nerves, my emotions and my body are just on it's last strings...
I just gotta keep going for my sake and theirs.

I swear I'm either gonna just drop dead or get like an ulcer or something (even though I swear I have one as we speak cuz I'm in serious pain. yuck.)

Next weeks gonna blow.
Except wednesday... that'll be interesting to say the least haha.

"Maybe the reason you aren't dating anyone is because you compare every guy to the one guy you can't have..."

God... if she only knew.
Cuz I can't have you.

Even though my feet are killing me... and I didn't get to sleep in...

I really, truely needed last night. To just forget about things for a while with the people I care about the most.
Caitlin? I hope you had a fantastic time... thanks so much for asking me to come out with you.
Everyone else? Haha who knows... maybe we'll do it again sometime =P