wow. the nerve of some people. How dare she say that I haven't been there for her this past week. Unreal. I feel guilty saying what I said.. swearing is never good but she deserves it. Now she's acting like a complete juvinille and won't talk to me at all! All day she said not a word to me... not a flipping word. I hate it and it's driving me up the wall. Yesterday she could have been so much more consoling to Kayla about not making SaskCan.. but again.. she didn't say a word...
I gotta go eat.. I'll edit later
Much Love
Jamie

I have no words to describe it right now. Since Tuesday, I've had blaze, which was a blast and always is... cept afterwards Janine and Eric got in a fight and Aaron and I raced Darrick. Janine and Eric started fighting and left Kayla at Fudds, while they went to yell so Darrick took her to the church unbenownced to us. So we drove a little ways and pulled over and had the best heart to heart about everything. It was really good actually. Thursday was amazing. It was Lindsay's birthday, and I went to West Portal with him and had such a blast. Afterwards, Krick, two of her friends and Lindsay and I all went to A&W for something to eat and I got a free milkshake. But we laughed and had so much fun... it was awesome. Friday, whatever was fine, Kayla and I had a coaches supper and then we met up with Darrick and Ryan, then all went to Kaylas to watch a movie, then Aaron and I went to get slurpees. It was a cool night. Last night was beer and pizza night at the Packotas. Today was church and the rents went, but Janine is pissing me off sooooo much. More details, I'm heading her out the door.
Later Days,
Jamie

[EDIT]

Okay so here's the shpeal. Janine is still playing games, but now she's being just a plain old bitch to me and it's started to eat away at me. There's truthfully going to be nothing left of my ego after she's done. Doesn't help Kayla gets involved, but whatever it's Kayla, she always says she's kidding so. I'm maybe just having one of those days that everything seems to be depressing. I've been slipping into a bigger and bigger black hole.. and I'm afraid I'm going to go into that depressing stage I'll go into sometimes... because I really don't want to. The only person that has been sticking up for me is Aaron and Kayla, but I mean come on their both great kids, of course they're going to. My friends aren't bad, school's getting better, but my family life is still on the rocks, and well love life doesn't exist, hasn't for how many years? Whatever lol. Awe I can tell you though... I've really met some of the greatest guys from church, Lindsay Rohrke and Nathan... W haha i don't know what his last name is. Those two honostly can make my day in a matter of seconds! Chad's been talking to Kayla so that's just awesome. Anywho that about covers the rest of it.

Alright so let's go through this unreal day okay?
Well English, whatever it's english, can't say much. History we worked outside because they were painting and whatnot in the commons... so it reaked so we had a work period outside. Third period was fun because we went to the mall and had lunch after we dropped Kaylas film off. We met up with a few of her friends, and supposedly Janine and I knew one but you know we didn't so. Then at lunch we did work and went up to the lockers just me and Kayla. Math we had a quiz with a sub, and physics we did a lab and I KNEW AN ANSWER and I was so happy hahaha. After school Janine Kayla and I went to go rollerblading (after we picked the pictures up and boy are they HILARIOUS, especially of Aaron) and we rollerbladed to Aarons... yup all that way haha. From there we had some fun and got drivien home. Then I had supper and watched the movie 'Gotcha!' with my parents, then we went for a walk around the block. Things are getting better it seems, and I have to learn to keep my cool around them and maybe they will improve that much more. No news about Chad, Don't care about the Aaron/Janine situation, and Lindsey got with a bunch of people and is now considered a whore, and such. If she even says something to us or dies her hair pink we'll all punch her in the face so. Anyways my parents wanted my Physics teacher to call them. And well simply put, she said there is some stuff I could work on, but to 'CALM DOWN' and not to worry beacuse we've only completed section 2 of 5... so I'll be okay. And she said she thinks I clearly know whats going on so... YAY! Blaze tomorrow, West Portal on Thursday... can't wait! lately I've been writing songs to help my moods. Here's a few of em...

Untitled

Sleepless nights,
You lie awake,
You know you made
A big mistake
It went from a hug
That turned into a kiss
Now what am I
Supposed to think of this?

Chorus-
Make up your mind
Don't make excuses
You told me you loved me
Was our love so useless
You took it too far
You crossed a thick line
What are you going to do
Or is loving me your crime

It hurts me so much
That you lied to my face
Why couldn't you tell me
It wasn't your friends place
You thought no one knew
But you were sure wrong
That friend told me everything
And now im writing this song...

Bridge-
To you
Why did you make what we had so useless
How could you sit there and lie to me
Tell me your just friends, and not to be jealous
Now how can I trust you anymore?

Chorus Repeat

Untitled

The once loved eachother and
The once flew high like birds
But all that changed when
The both yelled some pretty hurtful words
Now they don't speak or share a glance
Their hearts fill up with rage
What they don't care realize is
That they're both on the same page

Chorus-
Of the book, of love
That guides them both
Those sleepless nights
Can't hold them tight
The hurtful tears
The sullen fears
They want to be together (together)

How could you say those words to her
How could you lie right to his face
You both know that all you wish
Is to just be in eachothers embrace
Don't try to hide, don't try to say
That what you felt would go away
Embrace the love, ignore the rage,
Then your souls will be okay...

Chorus Repeat

Untitled

Like the sun rollin' over
The bare southern plain
The love I feel right now
For you is the same
There were points in my life
Where the light would not shine
And you were not with me
But I still call you mine

Bridge-
Oh it seems so much harder
To call our your name
Everytime you way by me
I wonder would it be the same
Oh i miss your arms around me,
Having you by my side
Those long sleeples nights
Where I laughed and I cried

Chorus-
You are the light of my sun
Your the smell of the rain
And I wonder if I'll ever
See you again
Those long summer nights
Where we'd gaze at the mood
I can't help but wonder
Will it all come back soon...

You smile lit up the darkness
On the cloudiest of days
And I wanna start this over
In our happier ways
I miss your laughter, your joy and your eyes
I don't know what I'm feeling,
Cuz we've all ready tried

Bridge-
Mistakes were made along the way regretable I know
But I never thought you'd pack up and go
How I wish that I could tell you, how much I love you
But maybe I'll let fate, pass me the clue.

Chorus Repeat

Alrighty. Today was generally good! The roof of our school is gone so it was a constant echoing all in the lower level. English, History and classes went fine. Now see here. I'm the shrink again, not too happy, but a compliment none the less. Tanys with her boy problems, Janine with hers and whatnot. Kayla with hers and whatnot.... I mean criminy Tanys wrote me a huge long email about 3 pages long telling me about it. Kayla says she thinks people think highly of me so thats why they ask my opinion for it. So i suppose that makes me feel better. I don't really have much to say, Wednesday is Blaze and Thursday is West Portal with Lindsay (guy lol) and ya thats about it! I'm just going out for coffee with Kayz to talk about some stuff so I'll write more when I'm back.
Later Days.
xx Jamie

Wow, what a wonderful idea. I made this personal blog, to keep away from the prying eyes of everyone else around me. I need this as a place to vent. You see... as much as I adore people coming to me for help, I just cannot take it anymore. I mean I have problems of my own right now to deal with, let alone anyone elses. You see, theres the whole mark section of it all, my family life absolutely bites most of the time, to the point I want to leave, my school life sucks as well because I just cannot do it anymore, and it pisses me off because I know I could do so much better. Friend life is fairly decent, with the exception of Janine and Aaron and whatnot. More or less Janine. She got my back up with a flippent comment about me being 'stupid' and I swear to God, strike me down on the spot, that I'll flip out on her if she does anything to hurt Aaron or me again. I know it's not my place with the whole Aaron thing, but shes being so bitchy and crude and mean that its just so unreal, and she's really hard to like right now, and ya I'm getting sick of being the damn optimistic person and she being the 'Oh woe is me' kind of person. Unreal. Truthfully... the only reason I can wake up in the morning is because of my friends right now... If that sucked too, and I didn't have like my lake friends and whatnot, I don't even wanna think about that. I've been writing songs lately because it helps me vent about stuff. My dog was having a rough time, so that was also really agitating, church has been good, my Dad got Darrick hooked on Robin Trower (lucky me). I don't know I just needed to vent here. But I swear if anyone starts talking like shit like that to me again, I'm not going to take it... I don't have to take it. I'm not going to be the 'pity friend' or the one that gets picked on, I would rather have no friends then be the brunt of everyones joke. Well I'm gonna go have a bath, I'll talk more later.
Much Love,
Jamie xxoo

[EDIT]

Okay also, Janine cannot play with peoples emotions like that... it's just mean and leads them on. I just can't stand the thought of Aaron getting hurt... especially by her and for such a stupid reason, all she said to me about it was that she surprised how Godly he is, and thats why she likes him. Well as much as I love Christianity as the next person... You cannot like someone based on only religion... I'm sorry.... I just get so frusterated because she's only thinking of herself.. and no one else in this whole damn situation. And I mean if things go bad... theres no more T-3 & A.... and I don't know what I'll do...