Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am....

Hello, I'm Dr. Shail, I'll be your therepist for this evening...

Well, guess what......





No... guess.....




Give up? Well, KAYLA MIGHT COME OUT TO WINNIPEG WITH ME FOR THANKSGIVING AND MY PAPS 90th BIRTHDAY! Isn't that like... the best news ever??? EVER??? Holy I'm so pumped. Things have been going really good for me lately actually... friends, family and school are going amazing! I'm so damn happy! The only thing sad is I lost my phone... :( ah well I'll buy another one eventually!!!!!

Why did it hurt so much when I found out that news.
Those emotions were never shared in return, so why did it feel like my heart was splitting?
I did a lot of thinking and praying last night, as I walked down the street, gazing at the big dipper, just weeping. Why?
It's the strangest thing, why does it have to be so complicated?

Some quotes for thought...


" The Inuits had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them, there ought to be as many words for love.... "

" Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated... "

" Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness... "

" What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us... "

" Love never dies. Neither do your deepest dreams. "

" You're nothing short of my everything.. "

" To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others... "

" Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever... "

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. "

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails "

Some poems by me for Creative Writing:

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I remember when life appeared so simple.
When fun was building castles in the sand.
I remember when childish games were a daily routine
And we never wanted to grow old
I remember when choices played a role in morale and
friendship
And opinions decieved a few
I remember when there were no cares in the world
And the wind blew warmly across our faces
I remember when tears were shed for those we've lost and
those we have yet to gain
And laughter wchoed in our distant ears
I remember when the eagle cried and the morning seemed
to paint itself to life
And the moon showed its face from behind a dark cloud
I remember when I had to say goodbye to a place I love
And a reflective farewell to those I care about most.
I remember when.

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Within the depths of my soul
Can be found the heart of a dreamer
Whose mind dances with the clouds
On a pallid winged horse
Wishing no care in the world.

But before them looms a black carbon wall
Screaming out fury and morn
With the hands of tribulation
Grasping for the liberty and serenity
That they proclaim as theirs.

And as my mind upon the horse
Cries out in terror and failure
A light, so blinding like the sun banishes the wall
Deep into the depths of my mind
Only to resurface another day.

And once again, faith and hope
Bless my mind to be free
To soar with the eagles and dance in the rain
And as my mind drifts back to reality
Faith, love, hope and truth remain prominent in my mind,
The shape of a pallid winged horse stands,
Waiting to dance again.

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He came to me like a raven, with dark faerie wings upon his shoulders.
Through the slits I called my eyes,
His body enshrouds the moonlight before me,
Preventing me to see.
Me heart could be heard, echoing in my ears,
Anticipating this daunting adventure before me.
His hands force me up on stage,
My heart becomes naked to the audience.
Again my heart pulsates,
Wanting to jump off the stage and flee.
I can feel the gaze of the blonde plastics,
Slicing into my soul.
He pushes me forward, delving me into my fear,
To become a hypocrite and put on that pointless blonde wig.
After the show, he comes to me, ripping off my mask, to see the real me,
The one with tear stained eyes.
He gives me words of commendation of my convincing performance,
As he places the deadly mask that conceals my life, upon my face,
Only to continue this charade for eternity,
Until the real me breaks free once again.

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Yup, thats them poems! Now onto how my day went! Creative Writing I didn't present my poem yet. It just didn't feel right after all the morbid, intense poems that were read, it made mine look SO much more insignificant! Eek! English was boring, Math was a hoot but it always is. World Religions, wow is that EVER going to be an amazing class! I'm SO pumped about it and SO glad I dropped wellness! And Art was... Art! Went to Tim's after and did homework with the girls, and that was it! Came home, had a great conversation and tic-tac-toe game with Sean, had a great conversation with Chelsea, and that was about it! I totally miss the lake, and I can't wait to see Chels, Sean, Mitch and Holly when I go out in October... it's going to be amazing! Yay!
Later Days!

Alright. Yesterday was just a spur of the moment thing, and I was feeling really really down. I gotta tell you, there are situations in life that aren't meant to happen. I mean does anyone around here anymore, know what it really means to be a fucking Christian? Apparently not. At the soccer game, there were words of beating up, hatred and angst, and inside, I felt my heart finally snap, my heart actually hurt, physically hurt. Whether it was sheer coincidence I'll never know, but what I do know, is that there are a lot of people out there that need to know what being a Christian is really about. Here, let me give you some examples from the Bible;

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What does God say about Anger: Isaiah 14: 4-6 :
On that day Isreal will sing this song about the king of Babylon:
The cruel king who ruled us is finished; his angry rule is finished! The Lord has broken the scepter of evil rules and taken away their power. The king of Babylong struck people in anger again and again. He ruled nations in anger and continued to hurt them.

How should we treat others: Zechariah 7: 9-10:
This is what the Lord All-Powerful says; Do what is right and true. Be kind and merciful to each other. Don't hurt widows and orphans, foreigners or the poor; don't even think of doing evil to somebody else.

Should we care for our enemies: Luke 6: 27-28:
But I say to you who are listening, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who are cruel to you.

Who will be saved from hell: Proverbs 11: 9:
With words an evil person can destroy a neighbor, but a good person will escape by being smart and pure.

Should people seek revenge: Leveticus 19: 18:
Forget about the wrong things people do to you, and do not try to get even. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. I am the Lord.

Does sin have consequences:

Exodus 32: 33-34:
But the Lord told Moses; I will rease from my book the names of the people who sin against me. So now, go. Lead the people where I have told you, and my angel will lead you. When the time comes to punish, I will punish them for their sin.

Joshua 7: 20-25:
Achan answered; It is true! I have sinned against the Lord, the God of Israel. This is what I did: Among the things I saw was a beautiful coat from Babylonia and about five pounds of silver and more then one and one fourth pounds of gold. I wanted these things very much for myself, so I took them. You will find them buried in the ground under my tent with the silver underneath. So Joshua sent men who ran to the tent and foudn the things hidden there, with the silver. The men brought them out of the tent and took them to Joshua and all the Israelites, and spread them out on the ground before the Lord. Then Joshua and all the people led Achan son of Zerah to the Valley of Trouble. The also took the silver, the coat, the gold, Achans sons, daughters, cattle, donkeys, sheep, tent, and everything he owned. Joshua said; I don't know why you caused so much trouble for us but now the Lord will being trouble to you. Then all the people threw stones at Achan and his family until they died. Then the people burned them.

2 Samuel 12: 9-12:
Then King David called Saul's servant Ziba. David said to him; I have give your master's grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You, your sons and your servants will farm the land and harvest the crops. Then your family will have food to eat. But Mephibosheth, your master's grandson, will always eat at my table. Ziba said to King David; I your servant will do everything my master, the king, commands me. So Mephibosheth ate at David's table as if he were one of the king's sons.

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So how about that huh... I think that sums it all up very nicely. Certainly opens my eyes to what being a Christian means to me...



Another tragedy in the world...

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BESLAN, Russia : More than 200 people died and 700 were hurt, many of them young children, as troops stormed a school on Friday in a harrowing operation to free 1,000 hostages from heavily-armed militants demanding independence for Chechnya.

Scores of screaming, bloodied children, many either naked or wearing nothing but their underwear, fled after an explosion inside the school building in North Ossetia forced special forces into an unexpected raid on the third day of the siege.

The troops exchanged intensive artillery and automatic weapons fire for many hours with the militants who were believed to be holding as many as 1,200 hostages without food or water, while agonised relations screamed for their loved ones.

The dead and wounded included scores of schoolchildren, their parents and their teachers who were taken captive on Wednesday, the first day of school for children in Russia.

The fatalities also included 20 hostage takers, half of them said by one official to be of Arab descent, and five law enforcement personnel, officials quoted by Russian media reported.

"More than 200 people died immediately after being shot by the militants or else later succumbed to their injuries," Interfax and RIA Novosti news agencies said, quoting the health ministry of the republic of North Ossetia.

Local health officials quoted separately by ITAR-TASS news agency said that 704 people, 259 of them children, had been taken to three regional hospitals with injuries, many of them serious.

After hours of chaos and confusion, authorities finally said they had identified the bodies of 79 victims after the siege. But Interfax news agency, quoting its correspondent on the scene, said more than 100 corpses of hostages were found in the school gymnasium where they had been held.

"There was a bomb taped to the ceiling. The tape peeled off, the bomb fell and exploded," a young teenage girl told Russian television after escaping.

Hostages fleeing into the arms of waiting troops shielding behind armoured personnel carriers gratefully guzzled down bottles of water. "We drank urine," one naked boy said.

"There were pieces of burned corpses in the gymnasium, skulls. Impossible to identify. The roof caved in and the tiles were covering the bodies," wrote a correspondent for the online newspaper Gazeta.ru.

"Almost all of the bandits were killed and several have been arrested," said General Viktor Sobolev, commander of the 58th army based in the northern Caucasus. "It is unlikely that any got away."

But ITAR-TASS news agency reported that four militants were still at large, while eight had been killed and three arrested.

Amid total panic and confusion, soldiers were seen stretchering away the injured, while some of the freed hostages sat numbly or in tears on rows of green canvas stretchers lined up on some grass across the road from the school.

"The bandits opened intensive fire at the fleeing adults and children. To preserve the lives of the hostages, fire was opened in reply on the bandits," Andreyev said.

The gunmen had reportedly mined the school's grounds, and at one point threatened to kill 50 children for every one of their number killed.

Separatists have been waging a decade-long war for independence from Russian rule in Chechnya, where on Sunday the Kremlin-backed candidate won presidential polls widely condemned as neither free nor fair.

European leaders called the bloody outcome of the crisis a "deep human tragedy," but accepted the "dilemma" facing the Russian authorities.

But there was also some anger at the actions of the special forces.

The hostage-taking was the fourth attack blamed on Chechen rebels to rock Russia since last week.

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Puts a lot into perspective don't you think...

More To Think About, From Joan Of Arcadia:

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God - Heh! Joan. Have I ever endangered you?
Joan - Well, you never told me to ask evil out on a date before.
God - Evil is not a word to use lightly. It's only the darkest end
of a broad spectrum.
Joan - You mean like light?
God - Exactly like light. Nobody is born in total darkness. Most of
you live on the grey end of the spectrum, a lie here and there,
jealousy, wrath. But you only get to absolute evil by doing one
thing after another till eventually you're transformed.
Joan - Like...into a monster.
God - A monster is a creature with no consciousness. They're
extremely rare, but they do exist.
Joan - Have you watched the news? I'm not sure they're so rare.
God - Almost everybody has some light somewhere. And light is always
worth fighting for.....

LATER

Further down the hall we see a familiar face of god. its the old
woman God from the book store. Joan goes over to have a word.
Joan - You're getting really good at showing up when nobody needs
you.
God - Well, now, that's your opinion.
Joan - So what do you want me to fail at this time?
God - Now, what makes you think you failed? You did exactly what I
asked you to do. You observed.
Joan - Hmm! And what good did that do anybody? Ramsey's going to
jail. Adam hates me even more.
God - Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly
reckon. The invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are those
that are most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They
lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen.
Joan - Ok. Fine. I observed Ramsey. His life is still ruined.
God - His life wasn't the only one at stake.
Joan - What do you mean?
God - There's Laura Eason, ninth-grader. She plays the flute. She
would have been one of the first to go, coming out of orchestra at
the wrong time. And Andrew Bayer, he would have tried to save his
friend Lawrence Distasi and lost his life. And Gavin price and 3
other students in the cafeteria and Mr. Harvey and ms. Schmidt in
the library. And finally Steve Ramsey himself. And for each of these
faces, Joan, there are 12 more whose lives would have come to an end
today, lives altered forever by you, by the simple effect of being
present... by entering the light, by joining the dance.

The first day of school has come and gone. Holy mother this is going to be such an amazing semester! First and second with Mrs. Arndt which is gonna be a blast because shes a really cool teacher, then Math with Mr. Davis, is gonna be unreal because my sister is in it! Woop Woop! Then Gym with McPhee is the only thing I'm a little unsure about, but we'll see. Art with G-Force is gonna be amazing too. HOLY IM SO PUMPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I downloaded the Will Ferrell SNL Episode with Christopher Walken, as they mimik Blue Oyster Cult, with the cowbell. Now I fully understand why Allie found it so hilarious. Wow, such talent! Got a letter from Sean and Holly, both saying how they miss the summer, and how everyone is gone except Sean and whatnot. I want to go back in time and I want to see them all again, on the docks just chilling out you know? I really hope and pray that this year will go really well, and that the summer will come quicker and will be the best one yet. I sure hope so anyways. Schools gonna be good though, but theres just something missing you know? Anyways, I'm not feeling to hot, I'm actually feeling really shitty, and I'm still coughing up blood. I think i'll go to the doctors tomorrow.

Later Days,
James xxoo

P.S. How could Sean of all people not know who Martin Short is... sheeeeeesh.