Well.
I bit the bullet and said something.
Now he knows where I stand...

And as much as I do feel a little more relieved... I know I just made things more confusing for him.
But as of now... I'm a little happier because whatever will happen... will happen.
I certainly believe in fate... but sometimes you gotta get the ball rolling... because it won't just fall into your lap...

Well after a really long talk, spilling out my guts to Kaylee...
I've come to the conclusion that I am more confused then ever.

But in the same sense... a lot of things sorta fell into place. I still don't know what to do... yet a part of me sort of does... that adventerous-never act on impulse-waiting for the world to change part of me.

This is something that I want.... something that I've wanted for much too long a time... but I'm so scared of what you'll say... because somewhere in the back of my mind there's that shadowing doubt that I've missed my chance... yet again.

But I can't wait for you, I've been there, done that.
You spilled it to me...

Maybe it's about time I do the same to you.
Dammit to hell why do these things have to be so difficult.
Maybe... maybe you'll just fall asleep again...
That's why I should do it in the daytime (*lol*)

This?
This just sucks... and it just hurts...

Who knows what this weekend will bring.
It's either going to tear us apart... or bring us closer then before.

I've almost got a mission now... and a little competition.
When Harry Met Sally? I'm not waiting 5 years. So we'll just see about that!!

Edmonton bound tomorrow at high noon.
Talk to you when I'm home!

I'm glad we can talk again...
Believe me... for a moment things got too far gone... and I was scared I'd lost you...

As corny as it sounds, coming from me especially...
If everyone else can see it, or knew it was bound to happen... why can't you?

Why are you still so afraid?
What are you waiting for?
Cuz I can't wait forever...

God I never would have thought those words would come out of my mouth...

I swallowed my hurt and worked through it.
And we're talking exactly how we used to. I know he feels completely and utterly relieved... I could tell in his voice. We talked for an hour and a half last night, figuring things out. Apparently I need to do some things to make him jealous so we're even.
But we both came to the conclusion, that if something is supposed to happen... the timing will happen again when he's ready. Until then we're just gonna be the best damn friends we can be.
I learned a lot last night.
I also learned thanks to Alex that a tequila sunrise is actually a fantastic drink.
I learned that some bar-tenders don't drink, so can't make recommendations lol.
Considering I've been stuck at home for the last week and a half... last night made me happy.
Thanks guys.
Haha and thanks for the dance Alex er. Boris? shall we say?

Mildly?
I'm about ready to just fucking leave this place once and for all.
Only a year to go. Thank God.
Mom's not taking well to her chemo, it's making her violently sick. Dad's gonna end up in the hospital soon if he doesn't pace himself. I got into a physical fight with my own father and thus got kicked out of the house (for the most part)...
I swear I'm gonna run away.
I'd probably only take one other person with me... but something tells me I fucked that relationship up too.
Right now?
I submit life cannot get any worse.
Fuck.

Wasn't so rockin lol.
But it was special... very special in it's own way.
Fireworks, playing pool and missing the countdown.
But that didn't matter.

It was the conversations to follow that made the night something memorable.