Simply put...

Jordan Marcoux has to be THE most impossible person in this world....

I'm gonna go crazy!


But I'll figure it out tonight at Re-Encounter. Yay!

xx James

Alrighty. What has happened over the last little while. Well... not a whole lot really. We got a whole hell of a lot of snow, its really deep! Hence the reason I changed my blog for the season! Kayla and I got in a few little squabbles.. but we're both intellegent people, and got through it as best we could. Everything is seeming to be better... and truthfully it appears to be as such since we started our Bible study/Prayer group in the morning. Things just seem to be going better! I got an apology yesterday after I got home from soccer (We've won both games we've played) from Chad, and I read through the bible about forgivness. It says not only to forgive seven times, but seventy times seven. Meaning, we should always forgive. So, today before second I went up to him, and thanked him. I said I appreciated what he said to me, and it was a big thing for him to do, and that I easily could have shrugged it off, but I didn't, because it's the right thing to do, and then I thanked him again and walked away. I don't know what it was but I felt better... something inside me lifted a little bit.

Math class today I was a waitress... brought food for everyone ha! Its so funny! I also went to Mrs. Arndt's son's school today with 3 other people to discuss reading.. it was really enjoyable!!! And lastly.... I hurt.. holy mother I hate being a girl... gosh darnit! (P.S. I'm working on my swearing!)

I also get to go to one of Aeden and Jordan and Sols and such practices... cept they are practicing Friday... in which I'm beginning work at Y.E.S. Holy thats only 4 days away! I'm so pumped they are all going to have such an amazing time! My birthday is also 4 days away... and although I should be excited... I'm not really that excited... yet at the same time I am. I feel more excited for Blaze tomorrow then my Birthday. Oh well.

Papa's out of the hospital which is a great thing, because he was in with the loonies and I hated it and hated seeing him there. But he's out and doing better. I'll just be praying everyday. Anyways I'm gonna go... It's getting late and I need rest.
God Bless everyone! Nighty Night!

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HANDS DOWN - DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

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SEASONS - GOOD CHARLOTTE

Summer air reminds me of
All the feelings of your love
And what it was like
When we were together
Walking all along the beach
You were never far from my reach
And you held me
Through the stormy weather
And I wanna fall in love
Tonight
And I remember when you said
Everything's gonna be alright
Laying in the summer grass
You told me not to talk so fast
As I told you
How I feel
You made me feel right at home
You told me I was not alone
And you knew
Just how I feel
I know we talked about it
I just can't get around
I just want one more night with you
I wanna fall in love
Tonight
And I remember when you said
Everything's gonna be alright
October air reminds me of
All the seasons of your love
And what it was like
When we were together
The smell of fall is everywhere
And though it seems I just don't care
'Cause now you've gone away
I wanna fall in love
Tonight
And I remember when you said
Everything's gonna be alright
Alright
I wanna fall in love
I wanna fall in love
Tonight...

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P.S. I saw the song above as part of Jordans name on msn.. and I recognized it so I listened to it... its actually really sweet!

Dying To Live - Jonny Lang



You know ive heard it said theres beauty in distorion
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say theres no humor in misfortune
No, i wonder if they'll laugh when i am dead

[Chorus]
Why am i fighting to live
If im just living to fight
Why am i trying to see
When there aint nothing in sight
Why am i trying to give
When noone gives me a try
Why am i dying to live
If im just living to die

You know some people say that values are subjective
But theyre just speaking words
That someone else has said
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes its hard to tell the living from the dead

[chorus]

You know i used to weave
My words into confusion
And so i hope you'll understand me
When im through
You know i used to live my life as an illusion
But reality wil make my dream come true

So ill keep fighting to live
Till theres no reason to fight
And ill keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know im trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know im dying to live
Until im ready to die ....

Good song...

Alright, I don't know what came over me... but for some reason... as I listened to the song On My Own by The Used. I cried. Don't ask me why, but I think there is just a lot of stuff being built up inside me and I don't know how to talk about it so I'm just simply holding it in. Yes I know this is bad, but don't ask me to tell you about it, because I won't say a word. This is something I have to deal with, and I'll deal with it on my time, on my terms.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

On My Own - The Used

See all those people on the ground
Wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I've become
That something is missing
Maybe I...
But what do I know

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down, slow it down
Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing at all

On my own [x6]

Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing at all

On my own [x4]


Maybe it's Papa. I know that this maybe be the last time I ever see him. This is the 4th time he's been in the hospital in a month... a fucking month. I also hated the fact that yesterday Nana pulled me aside and said stuff like, You know Papa has a special spot for you in his heart, and that he always thought you were the best grandchild and stuff like that. It's not fair. Why would she tell me that, does she not realize that it's going to bother me? I don't know what to think anymore. I know my Dad's upset... I can tell even though he pretends he's alright. I know my Moms upset too.
I hope I'm just going through a stage or something... I don't know! . I know I want to get out of here, yet at the same time I don't because I know I might never see Papa again... Papa, the one who drove me to preschool with Brittney, the one who always told the best stories and I always looked up to. Papa, the one who always took me swimming at Margret Grant or took me down to feed the geese at the lake by their old appartments. I don't know... theres something about him too. Its also wierd to think about because of Grandpa... it's wierd... before I came to Winnipeg, I actually went through a period of just... everything reminded me of him, and I even wrote about him in my creative writing book, because it was bothering me that much. When I went out on a walk the night before we left, I just couldn't help think about him at the lake... just how he was. So maybe thats why I'm thinking too deeply into Papas condition. I'm sure he'll be okay.. but 4 times in a month... thats basically once a week! I'll just have to pray and hope that things will be alright. If not... then maybe we'll be making a god damn trip out to Winnipeg a little early. Wow do I hate to even think about that. He seemed pretty good when we went to see him yesterday and today... Stuck in the ward with all the crazy old people with alzhimeirs and whatnot... poor guy must be petrified out of his mind. I know I would be if I were locked up in a place like that. It's a definatly wierd feeling to think about him not being around anymore... he calls once a week to Saskatoon just to check up on me... and that would be a strange tradition to break.. he's done it as long as I can remember... just to see how school and stuff is going. Hell, I'd even miss his hassling... though he hasn't done it for a while.
I think I might just write about it for a little while... think of some things I want to tell him, though I told him a lot in the hospital when we left.
That fact is I love him and that I hope he gets better and can leave that god aweful hospital... I know thats what he needs, not to be jailed in a loony-bin.
I'm going to go though, Im gonna go downstairs and write a little while longer.
Ill write more about the trip home tomorrow.... tomorrow...
James

So wow... here we are... in Winnipeg! Yup.. thats right, Kayla got to come with me! Holy I'm pumped! So friday we drove up here with my cousin... can you say.. awkward? So I decided to make a comic of our adventure... so you'll hear about that later! So friday night, we got picked up by Mitch and Holly, went to Seans and then to Chels' to watch the girl next door. We then went to Tim's.. (go figure) and then went and played basketball in Linden Woods. I gotta tell you though.. I felt sorry for Kayla, I totally didn't pay attention to her and well.. I know what that's like...
So here Kayla, I'm sorry I didn't keep you as number one... at least for a night and I know how much that can suck. You are my number one.. who else would bare with me four days in Winnipeg! So Kayla and I went shopping today, got a wheelchair and travelled the halls of Polo park! Woot go us!!!
We got the wierdest looks and stuff but it was fun. Then we went to YeeLei's and got Jesus bunnyhugs! YAY!
So apparently I have text messaging...
Anyways... we go have supper at my granmas and that was fun.

So anyways......
Talking on the phone... GO TEXT MESSAGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk more later... if not when we get back!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone... gobble gobble!!!!!
<3<3
James

"Summers come and summers will go and we will all grow older, together and apart, but these are the best days of our lives." -- Sean

Wow do I miss the lake...
I mean frick... I've been going there since I was a month old, almost every weekend we could when I lived in Winnipeg, throughout all the seasons possible.
Then we moved and we came every summer, for as long as we possibly could. Yes, I thank God I'm so lucky to have a place like the lake. I think everyone should have an escape from society and live there forever.
It's just like the song imagine... all it is is an idealistic way of life.
Why must we go to school.
I learn more in a matter of a few months then I do during the school year. I learn what is important personal learnings, morals, strength, virtues, imagination, appreciation.
I can't believe it's only October... I feel as if I've been away from my home for years. I've only been back for about a month and some. Yes, friends here couldn't be better, but honostly God I want you to take me home! I want to be there, watching the leaves fall into the lake, leaving ripples of eternity to forever echo in Minaki's water.
I want to hear the loon cry one last time, or watch the eagle soar over my head, a cry of power and wisdom to echo through the trees.
I want to sit in front of the fire, in my pajamas with my friends, or watching a movie curled up on the beds.
I want to visit everyone elses cottages, see them.. remember them!
I want to feel that wind blow against my face, and smell that rain coming across the water.
I want to shiver to the north wind and sigh with content with the south.
Hear a fish jump, listen to the boats zoom by.
I want to sit on the cliff in thought, or speak to Grandpa about everything thats been happening.
I do miss him... almost every day I think about him, on some level. How lucky he must feel to be able to watch Minaki change before him, hand in hand with his son as they watch the sunset melt behind the trees for eternity and forever with God...

Well... listen to the song in the background... here are the lyrics.
I know the lyrics have nothing to do with me... but I don't know why but I adore this song!!!

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ANA'S SONG

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
And sharpened nails seem softer

And I need you now somehow
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears
Corrode the film

And I need you now somehow
Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an anorexia life

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

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So... I'm thinking Kayla gets to come with me to Winnipeg! I'm totally pumped and so is everyone! AHHH yay!!!! Shopping... movies... party! Horray!!! A WEEK TODAY! Alright, so now that that is out of my system...
Kayla had a talk with Melissa Lindenbach yesterday at Joe Beans and apparently everything went really well, and I'm really happy about that truthfully!

Aaron gets back today, so I'm sure Janine is just extatic... lucky kid... gets to see Phil Collins. Sheesh.

Anywho I'm out.. soccer meeting tonight at 7:00, YES meeting tomorrow at 6:00, and Parents meeting at 3:00 the next day! Yikes!

Aedens birthday was yesterday, went to his house with Sol, Josh, Tanys, Liz and Jordan... funnies time of my life honostly. And wow can I say...

Aeden and Jordan have to be the fricken most talented people I know.... NO LIES!

Later Days!