If I ever get like that... ever,

would someone please slap me? shoot me? get me my senses back?
yikes.

--> Going for lunch with Kaylee... I'll write more later.

I've decided I should probably begin writing about things that are of a little more significance to right. I mean, someone on the opposing end of my rants are probably beginning to think: "Gee, Jamie likes to complain a lot" or "Does she ever talk about things other then herself?" Well... no... but that's not the point. In case some of you didn't realize, is that a blog is basically and ernestly meant to be a place to share my feelings and disgruntlements. I'm sorry if I sound cynical at times, but give me a break... where else am I supposed to vent!

Anyways that's besides the point. Henceforth I will put more effort into expressing myself and my opinions. They are mine to share, and if you become offended in any sense... so be it.

Alright. So it has come to my attention, that a few people seem to think I'm lonely. On the contrary. I'm extremely happy with the people within my little world. A lot of people don't understand that as much as I like groups of people, I equally, if not more, enjoy Jamie alone time. Not that I'm saying that another person with me wouldn't be enjoyable... I'm saying I like solitary time. Look at the name of this blog people. Solitary-aloof.

And you know what? Why am I such a difficult person to crack? It's because of a few things. In fact, here's some basic answeres towards my renound mystery.
I'm easily pleased. Really. I may not show it at first... but deep down or in the depths of my mind... I will replay the smallest, significant moment over and over in my head. You also have to realize that because I am a hopeless romantic... it has caused me to be oh so shy. Now, there are two things in here I will clarify first, before you get any preconceived notions; No, I'm not waiting for my knight in shining armour. As much as my heart would die for that... my brain and reasoning says that's completely illogical. So that's out of the question. If it happens... great... but if not, it's not my main concern. Second of all... It's not that I am putting a mask on in front of people I know. I'm actually so shy that it's unbearable. I was to actually follow through with what my head is really thinking, I'd be a hermit who doesn't speak to people. Again... illogical. I'm very secluded... and I guard my personal life very well. Because most of it is for my mind only... the world doesn't need to know what I have and have not done. That only leads to misconceptions, which are in poor taste.
I'm very emotional. I take things to heart easily.
I'm easily irritated... but I'm easily pleased afterwards.
I like to feel needed.
I like to feel loved.

So... if you can take the step up, be headstrong and match my personality (i'm talking in strength people) then by all means step up to the plate.

Tomorrow I'll talk about why I don't just date anyone... yes... I have reasons people. Surprise.

So, I just watched March Of The Penguins, that documentary about the migration of penguins. Yes, I know, it sounds completely dull, however it was quite the opposite. It was fascinating and it truely showed that God is so much in our world it's not even funny. The way they courted during mating season was picturesque... nuzzling and staring at eachother. It truely was the essence of courtship in the animal kingdom. You could feel the love from the two of them. So much so, apparently the courtship lasts eight months. Honostly, you could feel the two connecting, speaking to eachother. It actually brought tears to my eyes. Though the movie itself had some sad moments (deaths and whatnot), it showed the endurence of these birds and what horrific things they have to go through to survive... and I complain about going to school. It actually humbled me a little bit. The length they go to raise and birth their young is phenomenal. A truely touching movie.

If I were to rate this documentery I would give it four out of a possible five. So worth seeing if you haven't seen it yet.

Anyways I should probably turn my attention to the more important matter at hand... my school work. I have a worksheet due tomorrow. I have to become more studious... I wouldn't cut it if I were a penguin.

Happy Birthday Aaron Michael Dobroskay!!!

I hope you had a fabulous evening... we got dressed up for you and everything! I even showed off my boobs for you! lol. Yikes. It was a classy/eventful evening and I'm so so very happy I can call you one of my best friends. I LOVE YOU! Even when you fart in my face... ew. I'll so get you for that one.

Haha. Night all.

Well that was one of the most amazing things ever given to me/said to me. Even though your far away, you left me speechless. Over a computer. HOW do you get speechless over a computer? Very, very possible. Thanks love. I'm happy for you! I'll keep you too <3
Hah, you'll be in my dreams again too lol.

I'm so excited for tomorrow. No words can describe it. Really. I'll write about it when it's over lol.

I'm so proud and happy to announce, I think I've finally come to the realization what the definition of true friend is. I'm also happy to say that I've been blessed with the greatest friends possible. Younger, older, male, female. What I have right now? I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

----------------------------------------

"Let me be the one you call If you jump, I will break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart, If you need to crash, then crash and burn, you're not alone" - Savage Garden


"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend." - Tom Petty

"Ill stand by you, take me into your darkest hour, i wont let nobody hurt you, ill stand by you, and, ill never desert you" - The Pretenders

Well... did it again last night...
Mental breakdown 101. Do not cry when your parents are around... because obviously they are going to question a) your sanity b) your problems c) your feelings. I didn't need it last night. Believe me when I say that. I've been in a glum mood for the last two weeks and I just can't seem to climb out of this slump. I know I will. But emotions as we all know can get the better of us. I'm a real tough egg to crack... no one has done it yet. We'll see. Because to be honost... I'm not really sure I know everything about me sometimes. Maybe that's why I really feel like I have an empty space inside my soul.

Now.. I don't want people to get the wrong impression... I'm not really upset about it... but this article I happened to come across says it ALL a lot better then I ever could have.

---------------------------------

Recently, while on holiday in Vancouver, I was discussing study opportunities with Melinda and Evan, a couple that I had just met. In the midst of our conversation, a question popped out "How does your boyfriend feel about you going abroad to study?" Unfazed, I replied that I had no boyfriend, to which one of them said "Are you sure?" Duh. It is my life right?
Inane as that question may be, I seem to encounter plenty of queries these days. It seems that the people around me have a bone of contention with regards to my single status. And it's starting to get downright annoying. At first, laughing it off was easy, but after one too many comments like "You don't have a boyfriend? But you are not ugly what." the laughing becomes forced and I seriously (and still am) considering relocating myself to some isolated village in the far reaches of Timbuktu.

My relatives are no exception. In fact, they started the entire fracas in the first place. After I turned 16 without any sign of boyfriend or male suitor, speculation began as to what was wrong. Eventually, they came to a general consensus that I was lesbian. Which I am not. Trust me, it would be so much easier to pretend that I am lesbian in order to get those vultures off my back, but the truth is, I like boys as much as the next Cleo-reading femme. Even my parents remain skeptical. While other parents frantically try and shield their daughters away from boys, my parents are the antithesis, encouraging me to socialize more; albeit protests that my social life is alive and flourishing, thank you very much.

Now, even my friends have jumped on the bandwagon, attempting to play Good Samaritan by inundating me with offers of blind dates and the like. At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I know they mean well but I only have one word to say: NO. And a big fat one at that. I'm sure blind dates can be fun, but for someone who does not enjoy being thrown headfirst into the deep end of a pool, I must say that trying to engage in cordial conversation with a complete stranger is not for me. It's weird , ok, maybe not so weird upon further reflection, that friend who think that it is time for me to have a significant other usually have significant others of their own, and cannot wait to share their new found bliss with others i.e. single, unsuspecting friends like myself.

Come to think of it, the entire thing is incredibly ironic. I mean, women have come so far this past hundred years: we have witnessed the emancipation of women, women given equal rights as men, women who have broken the proverbial glass ceiling to become CEOs of multinational companies (think Carly Fiorina of Hewlett-Packard) and even Prime Ministers and Presidents (Margaret Thatcher and Gloria Arroyo). But still, still we shun women who are unattached. And woe betides any female who remains unwed by the time she has reached middle age, because then she gets saddled with the unfortunate title of "spinster", which is (of course) meant to be whispered in hushed tones. Though I much prefer the sassier sounding title of "Bachelorette" (hands up those of you who think that the word "spinster" was made to sound uncannily like "sinister").

Just to get things straight. I am not a man hater. Men have contributed significantly to our lives, without them, there would be no one to see us home after a late night out, service our cars, repair our electrical items, unclog that stuck pipe, kill creepy crawlies that always seem to startle you when you least expect it. Yup, I know that women can do that as well, but it is just that men do seem to relish doing those things a lot more than what we could possibly muster.

Right now, my life as a swinging single is just about as good as it gets. I'm not moaning about "smug marrieds" a la Bridget Jones. However, I must admit to feeling a twinge of envy when I see happy couples doing coupley things together. But when I compare that to the freedom of doing what I want, wherever and whenever I want without having to account to anyone apart from myself; I'd choose the latter. Maybe I'm simply not ready for someone, or maybe I haven't found the right person yet. Ok, so I'll wait. There's no hurry. My biological clock has yet to start counting down like a time bomb awaiting detonation. The right man will come along and I will happen to be there; even if it means meeting him at some isolated village in the far reaches of Timbuktu.

---------------------------------

The End.

Questions that is. These are going to be 20 random thoughts about the past, the present and the future. I don't know... I've hit a mood wall again..

1. Why do people change on the extreme? Slight I understand.. but when you change drastically.. are you telling the truth? Or are you really just lying to yourself..
2. Why is it that people, who shouldn't be in your heart... really do remain there for the remainder of your life?
3. Why does good always have to come out of something worse?
4. Why is our society so about being the best... being numero uno?
5. Is it okay to keep a part of you a mystery? Am I wrong in doing so?
6. Am I foolish for hoping about something, when logically nothing should come of it?
7. Why is it God places the weirdest people in your life?
8. Why and when did courtship die?
9. When will it be my turn?
10. With such an abundance of friends... how can someone feel so alone?
11. Why do parents expect so much to the point it drives you to tears daily?
12. Do people really need holidays to express ones feelings? (ie. Valentines Day)
13. Why is there just assholes in the world?
14. Why do I always bite my tounge, then regret doing so later on?
15. Why do I fear judgement, then readily ask for it?
16. Why do we have to grow up (note. not grow old)?
17. How can I be furious with God in one instance, but always be reminded of his blessings?
18. Why do I dwell on the stupidest of things?
19. Why am I constantly ridiculed about relationships? (I'm actually starting to get pissed)
20. Why does music always make the soul feel better?

That's my randomness for the evening.. yet I still feel like I have so much on my heart that it's going to break. And although I know the answers to most of me... I figured.. why not bring them out in the open. I actually feel better... still dwelling and brewing.. but it always is. What can I say.. I'm easily pleased lol.
Later Days.

Too cute for words lol.
I choo choo choose you too <3

Well...
It's another Valentines Day!
And as usual I have to say, no... this day does not make me sad what so ever. It did a few times in the past... but nope. Because Valentines Day is about the people you love.. and that doesn't have to mean a significant other right? Any day that you can literally feel the love in the air is worth so much more then anything else!
And I have a valentine anyways. A valentine who doesn't write me hehe. Anyways. I wish all of you out there a fabulous Valentines Day filled with love and pampering!!

<3

Here is a song that I utterly adore. Now I know it's talking about a best friend of sorts (so don't get any ideas... haha it's not about that at all) But it's a great song. And it can apply to a lot of different things. Note the line, that says "Do you believe in the things, that were just meant to be?" and the answer is yes. I do believe things happen for a reason... and I do believe things are meant to be between things....
I wish someone would understand whats goin on. But I can't share it. So don't ask me too. This is my hearts battle... not yours.
And on that note... I have a valentine lol. Awe. You're too cute for words.

Never Be The Same Again - Mel C. feat. Lisa Lopez

I call you up whenever things go wrong
You're always there, you are my shoulder to cry on
I can't believe it took me quite so long
To take the forbidden step
Is this something that I might regret?

Come on, come on
Nothing ventured nothing gained
You are the one
A lonely heart that can't be tamed
Come on, come on
I'm hoping that you feel the same
This is something that I can't forget

I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again
Never be the same again

Now I know that we were close before
I'm glad I realized I need you so much more
And I don't care what everyone will say
It's about you and me
And we'll never be the same again

I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again
Never be the same again

Night and day
Black beach sand to red clay
The US to UK, NYC to LA
From sidewalks to highways
See it'll never be the same again
What I'm sayin'
My mind frame never changed 'til you came rearranged

But sometimes it seems completely forbidden
To discover those feelings that we kept so well hidden
Where there's no competition
And you render my condition
Though improbable it's not impossible
For a love that could be unstoppable

But wait
A fine line's between fate and destiny
Do you believe in the things that were just meant to be?
When you tell me the stories of your quest for me
Picturesque is the picture you paint effortlessly

And as our energies mix and begin to multiply
Everyday situations, they start to simplify
So things will never be the same between you and I
We intertwined our life forces and now we're unified

I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again

Come on, come on
Things will never be the same again
You are the one
Never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
We'll never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
We'll never be the same again
Never be the same again
Never be the same again
Never be the same again
Never be the same again

I happened to come across this comic... and it made me laugh in light of my last post.

So, click here and you can see the comic.

It's funny. Although.. the main character, Ag in the comic ends up being gay.
Let's not discuss that one farther lol.
It's irrelevant.

Dang I'm not too happy with this.
Good thing he's practically a stranger...
Maybe then I won't feel bad telling the guy off. Yikes.
He's too... no.. I don't get a good vibe from him. BAH.
I hate the male population! You all can go and suck the big one!!!!!
Like honostly. Who does that after meeting the person for the first time... AND the fact that they seemed pretty hostile to you. And anyone who reads this knows I can be VERY hostile. So... GET THE PICTURE!

Last night was good on another note. Fun with Kaylee and Darrick. Awe yay. I love hanging out with them. Driving around being random. Although the gangster pictures are pretty dang funny. Oh baby lol.

And yes.. even after writing that. I'm still pissed. It's one thing to know the person a little bit. But when you distinctively recognize that she's a stranger. You do not ask that. See referal to my last My Blog Space (aka on MSN) rant about courtship. Cripes. Just a down right cripes.

I'm on

SPRING BREAK!!

55 and 56 days.
So close, yet oh so far. Argh.
Allyce and I are supposed to meet up for coffee... I mean I would like to see her before the day of the concert. 3 jobs? Sweet Jesus lol. Who has three jobs. Blows my mind.
Blaze tonight... debating to go or not. I should.. I should go.. Darrick would want me to, Lindsay would want me to... and I'd love to see Lindsay W. and Alan. Yes yes... I think I will go. YAY.

I was doing some thinking today... as my head was pounding uncontrollably from the whole... head cold thing. *shakes fist* damn you cold. (1 ~ Sara.)

But anyways what I was thinking about.. was.. the history of love. You know.. looking back at love and relationships of yesteryear... I've discovered one serious thing this society lacks.

COURTSHIP

That is what our lives today really lack. It's all about the hooking up... about the immediate... but what happened to good old fashioned courtship.
Let's look at what courtship means.. in its simplest form, courting:

courting
n : a man's courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman

Do you see that much now a days? No. You cannot honostly convince me that you see it. Yes on the rare occasion you see it... but in your typical day to day thing its... she's hot, he's hot. Let's make babies. What? Where did the world turn? Could have been in the 70's? During the time of the hippies? No.. I doubt it. Yes it was all about love... but they still vied for the affection and attention of the opposite gender. No.. I think it was when sex became something not so intimiate... I think it all changed when censorship in the media became weak.. and sex was flared everywhere. It stole away the intimacy.. and the mystery of sex and all that is associated with it. Don't call my cynical for righting this.. but its true. What happened to showing up at a girls door with flowers, what happened to innocent love? I think it's gone down the drain. It's too bad that it has too. It seems that only those who have survived a lengthy relationship can afford to show affection like that. It's almost backwards how this is working.
Call me old-fashioned.. because I most certainly am... but that's how I feel.
The world needs a little more innocence and courtship and a little less sex me now.

Wow.
After thoroughly going through the section in Plato's republic that deals with poetry and unreality... it finally all makes sense now.
Weird. Yet oh so true. It's incredible how he thought... analyzed all aspects of the situation. Wow.. i'm just impressed.

Well that was a fun night.
After the meeting at the church... headed out with Janine in her snowfilled passenger seat lol and met up with some people at Moxies for mocktails! Yummy!! I personally LOVE the lime and strawberry daiquiris. To die for. Haha... and I learned that there's a drink called a Beanie Baby and it has jellybeans in it. WHOA. Hah, Janine and I decided that when we're both 19 we're gonna go to Moxies and try all those wicked sounding drinks. Aaron can come to because.. well... we may end up getting a little.. off haha. That's totally cool. Ended up having a good talk with Lindsay so that was nice.. we'll hang out soon enough. And then to watch In Her Shoes with Cameron Diaz at Aaron with Janine and Aaron.
Too funny. I like pressing the hazard lights lol.

Here Without You - Three Doors Down

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl it's only you and me...

What an uber long week... it was so long... I can't even tell you how long it was. Holy cripes.
I also feel extremely ill... and I really feel like kickin' back at home tonight.
Absolutely nothing exciting happened this week... and I mean at all. I have to finish up my philosophy seminar paper... make sure it's done well.

Later Days,
James

[ 60 & 61 days! ]