Now I know what it's like to have older siblings; wait let me rephrase that, older brothers.

Holy F I got my ass kicked by those two! I was so pissed and so... argh'd at the same time! I knew that If I went after one of them, I'd get attacked by the other... and they're both huge there was without question no chance for me to win!
I had to endure a class with a wet back and more. Thing is, I didn't really care. I love those two profusely so... I'll take what I can with my head held high. However... I am going to learn some self-defense of sorts to kick their asses if I needed to. Just to make them look bad.

Look out Dusty & Aaron... you two aren't gonna know what hit you.

Why can't you just leave me alone about that stuff?

If I knew... then maybe I'd tell you.

Frick.

THANK YOU!

I owe you so much!

That about sums me up right now.

Alright. So tonight pretty much rocked.
Why?
Well. It was a YES night, and we all were supposed to watch Walk The Line. Supposed to being the key term.
Instead Kaylee decides to get herself stuck in some pretty nasty ruts... to the point that Dad and I have to come get her out.
Funny? If you call digging her out for 40 minutes funny then yes... we had a mighty hilarious time lol. So from there we go to the theatre... they only have 5 seats left.. not guarenteed beside eachother so... whatever. We go to Tim Hortons, then to Petcetera and Shoppers... meet the friends at the theatre after it was over... and we all pile over to Fudds. Tyrell comes along for the ride because we were talking about something important, though I don't quite remember what it was lol. Then Kaylee and I have THE best plate of Nachoes EVER! Then we socialize... I go talk with Alan for a while... socialize some more... Alan wipes out getting coffee, and because of it gets a hero cookie lol. Then. We meet up with Andrew and Tyrell at the Snooker Shack for some games of pool... which we lost... horribly.
Then they call us after we leave saying they were going to Boston Pizza. So after spending a few minutes at Kaylees with a bunch of 16 year olds (yes Kaylee lol that still makes me laugh) we head over there. There I see Andrew and a few of his friends. Apparently something was funny... I cannot wait to find out what is so funny. So we basically rate guys all night lol. It was just a really really good night.
But my eyes are sore so I'm going to call it a night. Canvasing tomorrow so. Night everyone!

So this night definately rocked my socks.
I'm not going to butter it up with fancy words and witty descriptions. Here it is... completely straight forward.
Liz and I go to pick up Janine. The three of us go for a coffee.. have a talk.. it was good girl bonding time.
From there we go to Aarons for a 'test' (involving Liz's relationship) At first it goes horribly and Evan leaves to hang out with Nathan. So everyone of us are having fun... completely jamming out to oldies and other great great songs. Aaron and Adam doing what they do best.. us girls just having fun. Evan decides to come back... he and Liz talk for a while... he comes down... has fun with us for a while. We migrate upstairs to get a drink and chill for a bit. Evan gives me a hug and an apology (a sincere one). I'm flattered. We all pile into Evan's rental sunfire, bag the snot out of it. Basically bottom out the ENTIRE time. (Note: Janine, Liz, Adam and I are in the back, Evan and Aaron in the front. We go down the streets with the worst ruts, do some seriously G-force E-brakes... then go to the church parking lot with the windows open doing e-brakes and getting completely soaked. Basically have a heck of a time laughing and freaking out... it was awesome.
Then we go back to Aarons and go to McDonalds... grab a bite to eat... run into Jared... go back to Liz's... eat.. have some laughs and come home.

I know it doesn't sound like much... but holy I cannot even tell you that I haven't had that much fun in a while. It makes me so happy that we can hang out like that.
I'm so happy for the friends I have. Those I saw tonight.. and those I didn't.
Gosh I'm lucky.

Today was good... for numerous reasons.
After all that has happened over the past couple of months (make that about 4), I finally had a feeling of pure... goodness.
Sara (whom until recently I discovered has looked at my blog *Tee hee*, you've played a huh-uuuuuuge part in making me feel better. You know... that whole... incident a few months back... ahem. Yes. If it weren't for you... I don't even know what I would be doing while I was in school. Honostly... I'd either a) be a complete nerd and study all the time or b) just sit in a corner by myself. I don't like either option so... believe me when I say a ginormous I LOVE YOU! =) We've only known eachother for a small while... but already I actually have a sense of I could talk to you about anything. Thumbs up. Okay... with that said and done...
Blaze is tonight. Blaze will be fun. Blaze will be full of fun-ness and hugs. I like hugs.
Secondly... if the rumours are true... Aerosmith will no longer be playing in Saskatoon. This news unto itself is very very upsetting. I'm very traumatized by the fact that I won't get to see my all time favourite love song performed right in front of me.
Oh well... they'll have to come back eventually right?

Nirvana is clearly a very talented band... very influencial.
That and Kurt Cobain's life story is pretty much sad... very tragic really.

So I found these pictures... and note... I made a new layout. Pretty sweet in my opinion.

I've been in a fabulous mood the last few days... and I don't know why.
Actually that's a lie.
I do know why.
But I'm just not at liberty to say why.

Let's just say it's a very sweet and genuine reason. And I like it... I like it a lot.

And with that I'll leave you to a quote from Nirvana's song, Heart-Shaped Box... from which I stole this layouts idea:

♫ Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice... ♫

Oh gosh... heaven forbid I be.... thinking! lol.
Actually this weekend itself was really really good. With whom I saw and whom I talked to... (and no this doesn't have to do with someone in particular), I decided to write my english paper on the moments in life that you could have made a different choice. Take either the left or the right path. I've missed countless oppertunities for things, love, friendship, etc... and it's really odd to think that had I done one thing different... my world as I know it would be completely altered. Now... who has a hand in that?
Well how's about I type up the first half of my essay:

I realize in my life I’ve missed countless life altering opportunities. Some make me proud of my decisions, others I can look back with sheer and total regret. Some of these choices can be seen as hazardous while others could have been completely beneficial.

But what makes us take the left or right path? There has to be some gut instinct, some underlying force that makes you choose one or the other. In the long run, there are no compromises in life, either you do something or you don’t. Now, if you choose to look at this religiously, could God in fact play a role in guiding you through life? If he knows all, then he presumably knows best, given alongside of that a sense of faith. Now, if you aren’t religious, do you put all accounts of choice upon yourselves or chance? Your mind sub-consciously made the choice before you even knew your options? Perhaps it is a combination of yourselves and God, intertwined to take you down the path of life.

I myself see it as an act of the big man upstairs. This however can in turn be questioned; What is the bigger picture? What is going to be presented to me, that I have to take a certain path? And in turn, why does it seem like sometimes the choices seem wrong, yet eventually turn into something beautifully just? So what makes us choose a conscious decision like that? Why did I make the choices that I did? What drove me to that? There are some things I would have changed, others I would keep the same. If I solely believe in ’everything happens for a reason’, then I can truly say that no matter the choices I make and those I will regret, that I am being down the right path by the hand of God.
It’s all about faith.

The title above? Completely irrelevant to this blog.
It's been a good few days. Hanging out with Rohrke and the boys. Haha, way to much testosterone in a room but that's cool.
I found out I have a friend that is concerned for me... and if I were to leave them would be devestated. I also remembered why I was friends with someone... I had a healthy reminder. Over all? Things are looking up. I love it. I love life. I love everything right now and I couldn't be happier. Even knowing someone likes me haha *awe* makes me smile.
Thanks guys...
You make getting up in the morning a piece of cake.

So I'm pretty much not impressed with some people.
I'm usually a civil person when it comes to things like that happening in large groups... but you certainly hit a chord last night.
I will never ever settle for being the root of the joke. Every so often. Sure. But this time you crossed the line and gave me every right to walk away.
After the length we've known eachother... how could you even think that that doesn't bother me? Now maybe some of you will understand why I'm so weary of people... deep down inside.
So pretty much? She can go and f*ck herself... or her boyfriend for all I care.
I'm so not impressed with you right now.
You're turning into somebody else I know...

How can I feel so empty inside...
Yet at the same time... feel so fulfilled?

Something's missing. I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. Problem is... that puzzle piece may have grown legs, gotten up and walked a far distance away.

I'll find that puzzle piece eventually. And when I do... what a beautiful picture it will complete.

There comes a time in life when you realize:
Who really matters
Who never did
Who always will
And in the end we learn:
Who is fake
Who is true
And who would bascially do anything for you.


Thanks darling. I needed that little pick me up. I wish I really could just know all about you. But for some stupid reason... you get me. And you've called me on it many times before. Not even people in my own city can do that... some friends can't even do that. And I don't even know you. Truely unique.
Can't wait for the summer package... it will be the highlight of my year =)

Well I can certainly say that after a night like that, I've become very fond of a few new people. Some however I was not too impressed with.
One better not make the same mistake as before. If it happens... I don't think my heart could take another loss.
The other? I am so not cool with. Get over yourself. I've explained to you what I feel... what I'm thinking. So addressing your crude comments? I'm not going to die alone, I'm not going to be single till I'm one hundred, and for heavens sake I will not give you the world. As I said... you won't be in my world if you keep this little game up.
Move on like you already said you had. Obviously that's a lie. Oh and not to forget the comment about the 'you don't know what impact you make on people' although flattering if it had of come from somone else... coming from you... I just wanna smack you upside the head.
I told you what is going on. Get over it. It's not you.
Unless God changes my heart very quickly and changes who I am and what I believe...
It won't ever be you.
You can't force someone to love you. What sort of relationship would that build?
My time will come... I know it will. Patience right? My prince will come... in whatever form he's meant to.
The End.
And she lived happily ever after.

Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely - The Backstreet Boys

Show me the meaning of being lonely.

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

--------------------------------------------------------------

Slow Dancing - Johnny Rivers

It's late at night and we're all alone
With just the music on the radio
No one's coming, no one's gonna telephone
Just me and you and the lights down low
And we're

Slow dancing, swaying to the music
Slow dancing, just me and my girl
Slow dancing, swaying to the music
No one else in the whole wide world
Just you, girl

And we just flow together when the lights are low
And shadows dancing across the wall
The music's playing so soft and slow
And the rest of the world so far away and small
And we're

Slow dancing, swaying to the music
Slow dancing, just me and my girl
Slow dancing, swaying to the music
No one else in the whole wide world
Just you, girl

Hold me, hold me
Don't ever let me go

As we dance together in the dark
There's so much love in this heart of mine
You whisper to me and I hold you tight
You're the one I thought I'd never find

Slow dancing, swaying to the music
Slow dancing, just me and my girl
Slow dancing, swaying to the music
No one else in the whole wide world
Just you, girl

"I thought that being strong was never losing your self control. And I'm just
drunk enough, to let go of my pain, to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
from my eyes. Tonight, I wanna cry." - Keith Urban

Alright. I don't really know how to describe this to you. I've had this really... pit like feeling in my stomach and it's really begun to bother me. I can't really describe it. Maybe I'm getting a feeling of emptyness. Like something is missing with me. If only I could find that thing that I'm missing...
Nana's coming out tonight. There's just a lot of news I'm going to have to share later. Right now I need some alone time.
Later Days.

Well. All I can say in a round-about way is that all the hard work and stress and arguing and bitterness was completely worth even the smallest amount of tears (of joy).
Friday went well. Simple as that. Saturday was filled with growing love and apprehention, a few tears and laughs, dancing and singing.

Sunday however was so filled with emotions... love, sadness, pain and happiness that there wasn't a dry seat in the house. It was so moving to watch a certain someone go through something so moving and important. Your tears and your pain and your open-ness made all the work worth it. I felt so moved by everyone this weekend... and naturally you could not top the love felt between the people. I love every single one of you, but more to a note now... to the people in my life that matter the most.

Aaron - What you wrote to me really hit me... hard. Thank you , and it's such a great feeling to know you think of me that way.
Janine - I cannot begin to express how glad I am to have you as my friend. I'm glad I asked for your phone number that long and fateful day ago.
Kaylee - You and I have been through so much, and I'm so glad we're still around to talk about them. You simply rock my world.
Tanys - You've always been one to share openly with me, and I cannot express how much that makes me feel important. Thank you.

On another note. I'd like to express my sheer sorrow and concern for my cousin Nancy. She was robbed the other day, but they didn't take the expensive electronics.. oh no. They took something so much more precious. Her late husbands wedding ring, her wedding ring, her late mothers jewelry and so much more. All of which held sheer sentemental value. I cannot even begin to tell you how angry and hurt I am about the thought of something like that even happening to me. I'd probably be a mess. I send my prayers to you all because simply... that just sucks so bad... and I hope those theives get what they deserve.

On a final note. I've been doing a lot of thinking. And you know I'm talking directly to you. It has come to my attention that you seem to think I speak of you often. On the contrary. Your name only comes up when others ask about you. I find it sad that you have to even think I'd spread words about you. As far as I recall, when we were friends, you knew me. Well I haven't changed so I hope that in the back of your mind, you know I wouldn't do that. Not only does that make you seem foolish, it only makes the situation harder for you. I've moved on. I have my moments. You were a best friend... you knew me well. I valued your friendship and in turn you broke my spirit for a while.

However, when I hear of things like this... It seems to me that I made a good decision. I tried... you cannot deny I didn't. You have been in my prayers and thoughts since you drove away. Don't look at what I am writing as a slap in the face. This is merely a way of communication I know of that can't be slandered or cause more problems... because this is my opinion. I pray for you. I really do. Maybe someday you'll understand things... maybe someday you'll look back, (because I know you do) at your blog, at your past, and know that for a time... I meant the world to you. I helped you. You cannot deny that. So I know that forever in the future, my name will come up. So not for this to sound evil and cynical... but I hope my name echoes in your head for a long while. To realize that you gave up something that cared about you, that worried and stressed for you. I hope when my name comes up, a sense of guilt arrises. I hope you feel bad for making the choice you did. Yet at the same time, I hope you can remember the good we did have while it was still around, because you cannot say you didn't enjoy it. I can tell you you will be in my thoughts... there are too many things that remind me of you. But I've long since moved past the bad and moved onto looking at the good... and how for that while... you made me feel the most important I've ever felt. So thank you for showing me what true friendship was like... even for a little while. You can't say it didn't happen, because you and I both know it did.
I pray you live a happy and healthy life... and you come to terms with a lot of the anguish and issues I know you struggle/have struggled with. Just be happy is all I ask.

I don't need recognition that I helped you in your life. I know I did, I know what I meant to you. So no matter what you say or do... my thoughts and memories will never change... I will only feel bad for the fact that you were too naive at the time to realize what you had going for you. I hope someday in the future we cross paths... married... with children... anything, and we can smile at eachother and respect eachother. As I said, I've moved on... it's like the song 'move on' by Jet:

"... it's such a waste to always look behind you, you should be looking straight
ahead. Yeah, I'm going to have to move on, before me meet again. Yeah, it's
hard, if you had of only seen. Take control, don't be afraid of me. Because
every once in a while you think about if your going to get yourself together.
You should be happy just to be alive. And just because you don't feel like
coming home, doesn't mean that you'll never arrive."

You're in my prayers always. Don't let my memory haunt you, instead... embrace the memories of joy and laughter and hold them dear to your heart. That's all I will ever ask of you. It's sad that this is the only way I can express my sheer concern. So this is my farewell, but hopefully not for forever.

You rise and fall
Back up against the wall
What goes around is coming back and haunting you
It's time to quit
Cause you ain't worth the shit
Under my shoes or the piss on the ground

No one loves you and you know it
Don't pretend that you enjoy it or you don't care
Cause now I wouldn't lie or tell you all the things you want to hear.
Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you.

I heard your sick
Sucked on that cancer stick
A throbbing tumor and a radiation high
Shit out of luck
And now your time is up
It brings me pleasure just to know your gonna to die

No one loves you and you know it
Don't pretend that you enjoy it or you don't care
Cause now I wouldn't lie or tell you all the things you want to hear.
Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you.

Dickhead, Fuckface, cock-smoking, mother-fucking, asshole, dirty twat, waste of semen, I hope you die, HEY!

Red eye, code blue
I'd like to strangle you
And watch your eyes bulge right out of your skull
When you go down
Head first into the ground
I'll stand above you just to piss on your grave

No one loves you and you know it
Don't pretend that you enjoy it or you don't care
Cause now I wouldn't lie or tell you all the things you want to hear.
Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you, Cuz I hate you.

-----------------------------------------------

I remember when this song first came out. Fabulous angry song. Definately gets all your emotions onto the table with that one! So anyways... life has been fabulous in every single possible aspect. I cannot complain about anything! It's pretty much perfect (of course it has it's moments... but what life doesn't have imperfections hmm?)

Anyways more to the point of my entry.
I won't be able to blog for a little while because I will be attending the Y.E.S. weekend at Circle Drive Alliance. It's going to be a wonderful time! I can't wait!
Singing, Dancing. LOVE EVERYWHERE!
What a better way to end a really good stint in my life then the greatest experience ever!
Woo hoo!

Talk to you all Sunday evening/Monday! <3

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go, but it's always comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart and if your very lucky, a plane ride away"

- Carrie, Sex & the City


-->Isn't that just so true... one day, not long from now, we will all be going our separate ways. I may not speak to many of you as often as I would like to. However, it is nice to know that I will make a conscience effort to see you. As it says above... you'll all be just a plane ride away. Plus... on a happy note... if I work for Westjet like I've always wanted... what better excuse then to fly somewhere to see you guys!

On another note... I'm giving the piano teacher man a call this afternoon, if not around noon. I mean it says he's looking for good players with at least a few years of playing experience. Students are on a waiting list... many are beginnings... I could teach them. I mean I started playing paino when I was 5/6. That means I've been playing for around thirteen years. That's experience. I went for my grade 5 conservatory level (hopefully I don't have to explain why that didn't work out) Anyways... apparently teachers make (around) $100.00 a month per student... about that. (Depends on degree etc.) And let's pretend I have only 2 students. That's still $200.00 in my pocket a month. Plus.. even if it's $50.00 a month and I have 6 students... that's $300.00! You know what... even one student for $50.00 would be fine with me. I could use the money.. and it's doing something I enjoy doing. So why the heck not!

YES is this weekend... hopefully everything goes well and goes perfect for the participants. I can't wait! I haven't gone for an entire year for heavens sake! YAY!

Hey everyone.
Okay so I've had a lot of things going through my head. Recall how I said that Janine & Aaron were going to crack me... well as of right now, I feel like I can't even crack myself.

I can just feel things brewing in my headbut for some reason I can pin-point what the hell is going on. I've had this for a really long time. Something's missing in my life, something that apparently is really important to me. I wish I knew what it was...

Happy Ash Wednesday everyone. You know what that means... yup, it's the beginning of the season of Lent.
And what you ask will I be giving up for fourty days? I'm thinking pop. I drink far too much of it and it isn't healthy for me. I can have water, or juice... there's many alternatives.

So here it is in bold: Jamie is giving up pop for lent.

The End.