Tuesday, 29 August 2006
Isn't it amazing how even though things are going so wrong, or being so difficult, the smallest moments in life can really lift your spirits ten-fold?
Even though Mom's not doing so well, Dad's worried about his job, I'm concerned about getting a job and planning the roadtrip that may or may not happen, and this relentless pain of stress and angst that just won't leave me alone (especially because I have no reason to be stressed or full of angst)... the twenty minute phone call this evening lifted my spirits beyond all reason. It made it seem that even though everythings kinda sucking, that for that instant, life was alright again, that these things will undoubtably go away.
I wish I could elaborate a bit more but the words simply aren't forming on my tounge/mind. If I could, I would be there this very instant; "Would you lie with me and
just forget the world?"
To be honost... coming back from Minaki is simply such a culture shock. Let me explain: In Minaki you are secluded from the hustle and bustle of city life. You lose track of the days, of the time (hardly anyone wears a watch). During the day you come and go and eat as you please and generally avoid the dramas of city life. At night there are no city lights to block out the glorious display of stars above us. You are completely one with the world in that moment. The stars up there are absolutely breath-taking. Even the regular display of Northern Lights is enough to melt any city-slickers heart into loving and appreciating this paradise on earth. The little things in life don't really matter... the bigger ones seem much less mundane. Everyones generally happy or seemingly happy. A shower is jumping in the lake with your trusty bar of Ivory because it floats. Blowdryer? You bring one out you're usually mocked. Make-up? Well I'm not one that should talk but usually its no biggy. Being 19 and playing kick the can with 15 year olds is a regular thing, and not something to be disgusted by. Driving a boat is second nature. Casually pointing out the loons and eagles mere feet from your dock or head as if it happens everyday (which it does). But above anything else... it's the sounds. You hear nothing but the small birds at night settling down. After that? The odd loon call, splash of a fish or a nearby engine of a boat... that's all you'll ever here.
Now after nearly 10 weeks of that... to come home to where style is important, drama is breathing down everyones necks, the stars are barely visible except in the country (And that STILL doesn't do it justice) and being alone outside has a completely different meaning... you get a little freaked... and your heart is bound to tug at you saying 'please take me back, i'm begging you to take me back'. Mines doing that right now.
I actually feel a
physical pain for not being there at this moment.
I would go back in a second. Now. Now. As much as I love and adore and would do anything for the friends I have here... there is nothing more special then the bond I share with the people down in Minaki. Absolutely unbreakable.
I miss our talks, our deep thoughts on the cliffs, our jokes on the water. I miss everything about it.
It's a good thing I'm going back soon... get those two things out of my system. I can't wait to see Sean (if we get to go) and I can't wait to be back on the water in the middle of nowhere.
Even when life can't get any worse and I feel like just giving up... I think of the lake and the people down there that mean the world to me... and they give me hope and inspiration to make it through till the next summer to see them again....
Love and miss you all (and hopefully see one of you soon!)
Saturday, 26 August 2006
It's coming home to nights like this that make me
feel better after such an amazing summer.
I don't know what I would do without these girls.
(There's a couple others too don't worry =P)
"Cuz we're just that gangster..."
(c) Janine, Liz & Jamie. August 2006
Friday, 25 August 2006
IF IT SHOULD BE If it should be that I grow weak And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then you must do what must be done, For this last battle cannot be won. You will be sad, I understand. Don't let your grief then stay your hand. For this day, more than all the rest, Your love for me must stand the test. We've had so many happy years. What is to come can hold no fears. You'd not want me to suffer so; The time has come -- please let me go. Take me where my need they'll tend, And please stay with me till the end. Hold me firm and speak to me, Until my eyes no longer see. I know in time that you will see The kindness that you did for me. Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I've been saved. Please do not grieve -- it must be you Who had this painful thing to do. We've been so close, we two, these years; Don't let your heart hold back its tears. --- Anonymous ---
Every night I cry because I know I'm never going to see you again. With you went my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my secrets as a child. Thirteen years of memories you held with me and every single one of them I will forever hold dear to to my heart.
But I still can't feel so empty inside when I know my best friend won't appear from around the corner of the hallway.
I'll miss you Nikita, from now until the rest of my life you hold a place in my heart. And only now that I'm home do I realize that you meant so much more then the world to me...
Monday, 21 August 2006
I won't elaborate much... because I'd much rather tell my stories in person, but what I will say is this is certainly a bittersweet experience. I very much wanted to get home, but after what Sean said to me today as I was leaving, it makes me wish I could have stayed there for as long as I could, let along never leave.
God I hate leaving that place... it feels like something died inside of me. That and the idear of not seeing those people for a while. Especially Sean and Holly. Anyone want to take a roadtrip to Winnipeg with me anytime soon?
No offense Toon-Towners. I'm comin home and in the long run? It's about fricken' time.
Talk to you all in person soon!!!
LOVE YOU MISS YOU!!
